Frustration and Flexibility

At our pre-departure orientation, we were told to ban the word “frustrated” from our vocabulary. And I have succeeded…until today. But sadly tonight I have no other way to describe my feelings about the day.

A combination of sleeplessness, nerves for starting my internship, and a preference for following the given schedule led to my winding tighter and tighter until my chest physically hurt by the end of the day.

The situation that threw me the most was that we were told we could get internet USBs at 5:30 pm. So we rushed back in a rickshaw from my internship to reach the program center. But instead of being able to purchase different data capacities (and thus spend less money), we all had to pay 2300 rupees for 5GB of data. And that in itself is fine, I expected to pay up to 3000 INR for access at home and on the go in order to be able to complete homework assignments and do required research at home, as well as email, Skype home, and post on this blog more regularly. But, yesterday it was suggested that there was an unlimited plan for 1000 INR, that we would all have a chance to decide how much access we would need, and that there were monthly plans. But, upon arrival, it became a “give us 2300 rupees and sign these documents” situation. And I am a person who does fine with no plan. But once there is a distinct course of action set out, I don’t do well when it is changed without warning. I have a rigidity that does not mix with India’s requirements of flexibility.

Upon reflection, I find my inflexibility even more frustrating than the actual situations of the day. I went to China for nine months for goodness sakes. India for seven weeks should be no problem, right? Yet the disenchantment period for this stay abroad seems to have come much earlier. I feel a more urgent need for communication and connection here than I ever did in China. And, I have more of a need for the reflection this blog offers.

But, that is exactly why I needed this experience. China changed me, but being back in the United States did too. And through the challenge of even just a change in expectations and reality, I learned much about myself today and perhaps even managed to discard a teaspoon of my stiffness.